Pennsylvanian's awoke this morning to what locals call an "onion-snow".
"Onion-snow" falls in late March or early April, just after the onions have begun to show their green tips.
Unfortunately, the lingering winter was not what the groundhog predicted. For this "crime" of mistakenly forecasting an early spring, newspapers across this country have called for our state groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil, to be indicted, arraigned, and face the death penalty.
You are being summoned to be a jury member in this case.
As the groundhog's defense lawyer, I contend that this charge is an overreach by the prosecution. Since when has this:
been a felony? How can beauty such as this:
be considered to be a capital offense? This:
is not what Phil forecast for March 25th, but weather forecasting is not an exact science. Mother Nature delights in being unpredictable.
Besides, I ask you, "Do these scenes illustrate malicious intent?"
And further, is it not highly unfair to hold a groundhog to the same standards as the sophisticated experts who have global satellite images and computer models? Of course, such a standard would be unjust. It would be like expecting armchair sports enthusiasts to fill out March Madness brackets with the same accuracy as coaches who have studied the best team's films all season.
No, Pennsylvania's furry weatherman was wrong in his forecast, but this:
In truth, Punxsutawney Phil has done nothing worthy of death. Rather, an "onion-snow"is a perfect example of celebrating what is, not what is hoped for.
In light of this "onion snow" evidence, won't you vote to acquit Pennsylvania's furry weatherman?
The Style Files: Timothy Brown
5 hours ago